A Southern Saying

I enjoy quoting famous southerners in this “Southern Quote” segment of our porch visits, but I’m just as determined not to neglect the entertaining local wisdom of our region. So today, we’re going to examine one of our more common southern sayings. We southerners all know that when someone begins anything by saying, “I’ll tell you how the cow ate the cabbage”, this person is fixin’ to tell us like it is. We also know that chances are we’re not gonna like what we hear. But do you know where the phrase came from? Neither did I, at least not until I began to research its origin.

Now, I’ve heard the following familiar story before, but I had never heard it as an explanation for this expression. All I can say is, if it’s not true, it should be—-and in the tradition of southern storytellers, that’s enough for me.
Once upon a time, a circus came to a small rural town. While they were putting up the big top, a baby elephant escaped and found his way to a little old lady’s garden up the road. The lady in our story couldn’t see very well, but she was alarmed enough to call the police and report a cow in her cabbage patch pulling up her cabbages with his tail. The policeman on the other end of the line listened patiently, “I see. So a cow is eating your cabbage, ma’am? We’ll send someone right out.”

“Excuse me,” the lady said, “I never said he was eating ‘em.”
“No?” The policeman replied. “Then what is he doing?”
The woman hesitated before responding quietly, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you!”

And there you have it, porchers. Now you know why telling someone how the cow eats the cabbage can precede a very serious discussion.

Hugs,
Shellie