Castor Oil and Dangerous Relatives

Hello folks, have a seat and let’s chat…~smile~ The other day my friend Karen Zacharias wrote a hilarious piece about childbirth and Castor oil. At the time, I was waiting with extended family while Mama, The Queen of Us All, was having extensive back surgery. Those facts aren’t related, but since hospitals always remind me of giving birth and I have Castor oil memories, too, I thought we’d start our visit there.

Medical books will tell you the human female’s gestation period is forty weeks. They will not tell you that once the human female passes that date she’ll become open to all manner of suggestions about how to get that baby out. Midway through my pregnancy my Doctor had told me to quit riding my bike lest it send me into labor. At nine months and two weeks I took him up on that promise. All I got was curious stares from the neighborhood kids, but I couldn’t blame ‘em. Picture one of those circus elephants balancing on a ball and you’ve got an idea of what they were forced to witness. The women in my family told me Castor oil would do the trick. They lied, too. It did things, nasty things, but it didn’t encourage Jessica Ann to turn loose and join us.

But, back to the Queen’s surgery. Before it was over, our group had enjoyed something between a family feud and a family reunion. As usual, the biggest problem was getting the floor to share a story and keeping it long enough to tell it. Breathe in my family and you’ll forfeit your storytelling turn ‘til the next round unless you’re willing to use force to retain your audience. Most of us are. All of which sets me up to introduce y’all to a new friend of mine. Her name is Janis and she’s married to an Iranian but she swears he’s not a terrorist or anything. His people are actually considered the less dangerous side of the family. Or, as her daughter Sara Jane likes to say, “Don’t mess with me. My family is half Iranian and half rednecks. The Iranian side will take you hostage. The redneck side will take you out!”

I get that.

Hugs,
Shellie