The Great Mayonnaise Debacle in the Friendly Skies

Hello folks! Yes, it’s really me!  I figured I had best send out a newsletter before y’all filed a missing person’s report on me. Sorry! I know I’ve been missing in action around here. All I can tell you is that the launch of my new storytelling cookbook Hungry is a Mighty Fine Sauce has kept me busier than a one-armed paper hanger since it’s release Oct.1st! While the pace has been challenging, your warm reception to my latest book baby has been such a blessing.  I want to thank y’all for not only embracing this latest project but for all the encouraging emails and social media posts. Knowing you are buying multiple copies for Christmas gifts blesses my socks off. Seriously. I wish I could hug you each in person.

And now, let’s chat…the rumors are true. I did say Miracle Whip was “of the devil” on an international television program. I didn’t intend to, y’all. I simply found myself speaking for my people. We’re convinced that the dangers posed by Miracle Whip aren’t taken seriously. Granted, I may or may not have still been smarting from the Mayonnaise Incident. But, perhaps I should start there, at the beginning.

I was in South Bend, Indiana to promote my new storytelling cookbook Hungry is a Mighty Fine Sauce and to do a cooking demonstration on The Harvest Show.

 

And, well, because my schedule was tight and I didn’t know what I might or might not be able to find when I landed, by way of supplies, the day before I had carefully packed the necessary ingredients for my Holiday Hurt Yourself Bread into a small carry-on and headed to the airport.

It was a great plan— until I attempted to go through security and my mayonnaise set off every alarm known to God and man. Yes, my mayonnaise. They called it a “trace” substance. I lie not. The memory of what happened next is painful, but the phrase “extra screening” doesn’t do it justice. I have close family members that don’t know me that well. All because, apparently, everyone but yours truly knows that mayonnaise can bring down an airplane.

It didn’t help matters that Barney Fife Wannabe was on duty, large and in charge.

“Ma’am,” Barney said sternly. “This is six ounces. You’re not allowed to carry more than four ounces of liquid aboard this plane.”

“Yes, sir,” I said in my most polite voice. “But mayonnaise is a solid, not a liquid.”

“No,ma’am, mayonnaise is a liquid.”

“Is not.”

“Is, too.”

“Is not.”

In the end, I had no choice but to give up my mayonnaise to make my gate on time. I’ve also chosen to forgive Barney Fife for over reacting and treating me like I was a threat to national security.

I mean, for goodness sakes, it’s not like it was Miracle Whip.

Merry Christmas, y’all!

Hugs,
Shellie