On Uniquely Redneck Roadtrips

Hello folks, let’s chat…My family and friends encourage my love of story by sending me all kinds of tales, from the funny to the bizarre to the uniquely redneck road trip. Enter Kellie, stage left.

Kellie, together with her man and their three kids, recently set out on a long-awaited beach vacation. On the morning of their trip, Kellie removed a white bag of jumbo shrimp from her freezer that she’d been saving for just the right occasion. With visions of enjoying an ocean side feast of grilled shrimp with her loved ones, Kellie carefully iced the seafood down and off they went!

The second leg of their journey found our merry vacationers in Mississippi where they picked up several members of their extended family. While there, Kellie dutifully checked the cooler and added extra ice to her shrimp.

Fast forward to Florida. Having placed the bag of shrimp in the sink to thaw, Kellie was stretched out by the water watching her offspring when her daddy called from the condo. He asked Kellie to send her husband back to the room.

“Why,” Kellie asked.

“Just send him,” her daddy said.

Kellie repeated, “But why? He’s helping with the kids.”

Her daddy was equally insistent that she send Lance.

Exasperated, Kellie said, “Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s your shrimp,” her daddy explained. “They sure are hairy.”

Kellie and family dripped their way back up to the condo. There in the sink, in the opened white bag my friend had oh-so-carefully iced down and transported for hundreds of miles and several states, lay a dead raccoon– teeth bared in a vicious grin. (That’s called adding insult to injury.)

 

The ensuring investigation revealed Kellie’s fourteen-year-old son as the party responsible for placing the raccoon in their freezer back home, preserved in an identical bag to that of the coveted seafood.

Mark Twain once said, “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”I imagine that applies to grilled coon and beach vacations but the jury’s out. It was sandwiches all around.

Hugs, Shellie