Quick Draw Mother-in-Law

One of Jerry Don’s old college buddies is in town. He’s been staying at Jerry Don and Paulette’s all weekend.

“How’s that going?” I asked Paulette earlier. I’d run into her at the grocery store, where she was pushing around an overflowing shopping cart.

“All right,” Paulette said. “The man’s got a good appetite, that’s for sure. Between him and Jerry Don, and those boys of ours, I can’t get out of the kitchen. But, he’s fun and his ex-wives stories are hilarious.”

“Plural?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Paulette said, “three times. He says the third one wasn’t the charm but it was the finale, soured him for good. It’s a shame, too. I hate to see a nice specimen go to waste.”

Paulette always has appreciated a good-looking man.

“I know there are two sides to every story,” Paulette continued, “but Stan’s versions will crack you up. He told us his first wife up and decided she needed to find herself. He said he wasn’t too worried at first, but when his best friend started helping her look, it all went downhill.”

“It usually does,” I said.

Paulette paused to thump a watermelon. “Yeah,” she said, “the middle one wasn’t any better but the third one fixed him for good. The problem that time was mostly with his mother-in-law, a real straw boss. Stan said he should’ve seen it coming at their wedding. The mama had been running the show for weeks and demanding everything be done her way. Then when they got to the vows the preacher asked the bride the ‘do you take this man to be your husband part’ and she said she did. Then it was Stan’s turn. ‘And do you, Stan, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, so help you God?’ the preacher asked. Stan said he should’ve headed for the hills when his future mama in law beat him to the punch. ‘He does,” she said, ‘and he will.’”