Sleeping with the Enemy
Hello folks, let’s chat…My friend Tanya started it. She posted a news story on Facebook about a New Orleans woman who tried putting a bullet through a flying cockroach that was trespassing in her living room. The article said the woman’s aim failed so she was compelled to burn her house down instead. I was all over that story before I realized it was satire. Someone was just funnin’. Color me gullible, but I was feeling girlfriend’s pain. My aversion to roaches is matched only by my hatred of spiders. And snakes. I hate snakes.
Every year around this time people post pictures on Facebook of headless snakes who scared the beejesus out of the wrong person. And then they ask, “What kind of snake was this?” all innocent like — when they’ve got to know they’re stirring up a fight between those who identify good snakes as dead snakes and well, everybody else.
Snake people have tried converting me, but it ain’t happening. Even the Good Lord said snakes and I would be at odds. Course, He said my foot would crush their heads and I prefer a sharp hoe but I’m hoping He’ll let me pass on the technicality. It’s not like He doesn’t have a sense of humor. Exhibit A:
The morning after I read Tanya’s little funny I found a hairy legged spider in my bed, beside my pillow.
Yes, he was dead but that’s beside the point, people. I’m gonna need y’all to focus. At some point, he was in my bed alive. I posted a picture of his dead self on Facebook and soon learned more than I cared to know, like how we eat around 8 spiders apiece during our lifetime, mostly when we’re asleep. I needed to lie down when I heard that, I just wasn’t sure where.
Some of my more understanding friends suggested we move. My man felt that was an over-reaction but he did say he was glad I didn’t discover the thing in the middle of the night while all its legs were still kicking. I don’t know, something about friendly fire…
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Pam
I’m sooo glad I found you so I can prove to mama there’s someone else in the world who sounds just like me. 😉 I have to say that any critter who comes into my house uninvited, crawling, creeping, jumping, flying, or suspended in the air from a thin string controlled by its abdoman, is definately pestiLANCE…and will die a violent death if within my reach. I laughed out loud at the woman shooting at the flying roach, cuz those things are big enough to carry you off in your sleep!
And flies in my kitchen, not on your life! I know what they’ve been walking in, sucking on, and buzzing around and it ain’t good! They don’t make it out of there alive, sister.
Shellie
Indeed, it would seem that we are of the same mind and same accord! 🙂 Thanks for being by All Things Southern!
Shellie
Kermit, I love your quick fix for chicken lice. LOL! Maybe it actually boosted your hair since you still have it all and your friends don’t. 🙂 Take care~
Faye Bryant
I’ve loved seeing how people love you by putting stories of annihilated spiders on your Facebook timeline. I, of course, have had to participate in that. I do so in order for you to know you’re not alone in this problem.
Maybe you should start a support group, Arachnids Anonymous? You could share the various ways to deal with the eight-legged monsters — like spraying them with hairspray…
Love you, Shellie. #meanit
Shellie
Hmmm… a support group. I’ll have to think about that! 🙂 Big love backatcha (even though you did feel the need to participate in the spider sharing.)
Tanya Dillon
Tee Hee…… guess I know now the story you opened the radio show with!! Or not, with me, could be anything! Great story!
Shellie
Yep, I talked about you and your NOLA article starting the whole thing!
Kermit Stephens
You know Shellie when I was a teenager on the farm we used to use cotton poisons, ( and other chemicals ), that are banned now, like toxaphene and DDT. When we sprayed the cotton there wouldn’t even be any fly’s around the barn. It ridded us of all the little crawly creatures. And DDT couldn’t have been all that bad either. One summer I was cleaning out Mama’s henhouse and got chicken lice in my hair so I just picked up Mama’s Flit fly sprayer filled with DDT and sprayed my hair real good. Got rid of the lice pronto and I’m now 81 years old and still have my hair, ( which is more than I can say for some people ). And as a side note: Did you know they still manufacture DDT in this country ? , just can’t sell it here so it’s shipped overseas and we get it back in the vegies we buy from across the boarder. As always, enjoyed your encounter with the little bittty crawly critter. I’ll think of you now every time I see one.