The Toe Suck Fairy Dodges a Bullet

Hello folks, let’s chat… I have an announcement today for Arkansas females of all ages. Y’all can put up your combat boots and enjoy your flip flops again for the rest of the summer. Word is The Toe Suck Fairy is back behind bars. The Toe Suck Fairy, for the uniformed, is a middle aged man whose penchant for sucking on strangers’ toes has kept him in trouble with the law for decades now. He was on probation with strict warnings not to harass women about their feet when the latest crime spree broke out.

First, a lady was approached by a man wanting to suck her toes at the grocery store. This was followed by the report of an 83-year-old woman who described a stranger ripping off her shoe and forcing himself on her toes as she sat on her front porch. All leads were pointing to the Toe Suck Fairy— and one cold brutal fact was haunting the investigators. If 83-year-old toes in broad daylight didn’t cure this fellow, it was clear he wasn’t going to stop until he was brought in.

I’m grateful they finally did, and not just because Toad Suck, AR is right across the state line. I saw his mug shot. The Toe Suck Fairy looks fairly normal, meaning he wouldn’t scare you if he spoke to you in a parking lot and struck up a conversation about your pedicure. And that right there is what was worrying me. My big sister Cyndie lives in the vicinity of Arkansas he was terrorizing and honestly, as long as I’ve known the girl, she’s been checking out other people’s toes. Don’t get me wrong. She’s not weird about it like the Toad Suck Fairy, but she does have a bias against unattractive feet. I can easily see her joining in a conversation with a perfect stranger if he offered her a compliment on her toes. That is, until he tried to suck on them. It’s scary to think about what would’ve happened next, but I can assure you the boy would’ve sucked his last toe.

Speaking for my entire family, we’d much rather he be doing time.

Hugs,
Shellie