This Is What It’s Come To?!

Hello folks, let’s chat…~smile~ This morning Paulette asked me why I haven’t broached the subject of swimsuits on the porch this summer. I told her I figured we’d done enough complaining about swimsuits over the years and I imagine the men on the porch have tired of the whining. But then Paulette reminded me that it always elicits tons of fun email stories from y’all! She had me there. That said, right at first, I wasn’t sure I had anything new to add to this subject. I mean, I still have more swimsuit issues than Sports Illustrated; I’m still trying to find a miracle suit (it does not exist), and the search continues for a fake tan that looks natural. Orange people are not found in nature. But then I thought of a story I haven’t shared with y’all.

One of my author friends has been recommending I get a spray tan. She loves hers, says she just rotates in front of these little spigots and gets a nice even natural-looking glow. What could go wrong, right? I decided to try it in preparation for an important speaking engagement. I googled spray tans, chose the one that sounded the least like a high school hangout and plugged the address in my Garmin. Shortly thereafter I was standing at a counter speaking to a sweet young girl who called herself the operator. As Papa might say, “She was barely dry behind the ears.”

My heart sank to discover I had misread their advertisement. They didn’t have the automatic spray machine, after all. Miss Thang told me I’d have to get nekkid and she would personally spray me. I assume my apprehension registered on my face because she quickly added that she didn’t mind. That’s a direct quote, y’all. “She didn’t mind.”

So, I thought. This is what it has come to— Miss Thang would not mind seeing me in my birthday suit. Like I said to Paulette, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

For the record, my loyal BFF was not so torn. The girl has giggled all day long. I minded that, big time.

Hugs,
Shellie