Watch Out for Falling Squirrels

Hello folks, let’s chat… I’ve heard from our All Things Southern correspondent in Mississippi and it’s not good. Well, not for Emily. It’s proven to be solid entertainment for her family and friends. Fortunately, Emily’s a good sport. Allow me to read her latest email.

“Dear Shellie,” Emily wrote, “You are aware that a squirrel fell from a tree and landed in my face, correct?”

As it happens, I was not informed of this incident but Emily filled me in. She and her husband, the ten-foot-tall Rob—only a slight exaggeration— were enjoying a lovely Sunday evening on their patio when they heard a noise above their heads. This accounts for why Emily was looking up and why the plummeting rodent was able to use her face as a landing pad. Despite her initial terror, and to her belle credit, Emily seems willing to give the squirrel a pass for the multiple face scratches she incurred while the little guy tried to regain his footing. But, just between us, she still sounded a bit put out that her two dogs never flinched and her ten-foot-tall husband deserted her to run indoors screaming like a little girl.

Later, down at the hospital, the ER doctor began reminiscing about a question from his long ago board exam. “Of the following animals, opossum, raccoon, squirrel and cow, which one does not carry rabies?” The doctor had said cow, which sounds fair. Have you ever heard of a rabid cow? The correct answer: Squirrel! Emily says she is proud to hold the distinction of being the only soul in his entire career to make use of that medical nugget. The good doc was quite taken with the irony of remembering that question and his being on call. He told Emily— who still had to get a tetanus shot, take a round of antibiotics, and consent to wearing a face full of bandages lest she accidentally give someone Squirrel Disease— that it must be her lucky day. Or ours. Get well, Emily! People like you take the pressure off of people like me.

 

Hugs, Shellie