Your All Things Southern Weekly

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THE ATS WEEKLY

Hello folks, have I ever been looking forward to this visit! Have a seat and let’s chat…

Sometimes these little visits of ours write themselves. This is one of those times. Seriously, I could not let y’all miss this one. Let me tell you a story. Recently a man in Austria made an appointment with a dentist who also happened to be the woman he had just broken up with only days earlier. The poor man had a tooth ache. That would be past tense. He does not have a tooth ache any longer. Miss Dentist fixed that.

After placing her ex under heavy anesthesia, Miss Dentist locked the door and proceeded to pull all of his teeth, all of them. Unconfirmed reports have it that her office staff did wonder why they could hear the boss saying, “He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not.” Okay, I made that last part up, but not the teeth pulling tragedy. That’s on the police record. Miss Dentist is facing prison time— and get this— she has not bothered to deny her crime. Said Miss Dentist, “I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions, but when I saw him lying there, I just decided to take all of his teeth out.” Whoopsy, daisy! My bad.

In an unfortunate case of things going downhill quickly, the poor fellow had already found himself a new Sweet Thang, only she dumped him soon as she got a look at his new toothless appearance. The unfortunate man will also have to have extensive and expensive dental work. I’m guessing he might collect referrals this time, or at the very least be open to suggestions. Sadly, mine comes a little late for him, but I feel it’s my duty to offer a heads-up to any other male who might find himself with an ache in his tooth or, and I stress this point, any other part of his anatomy.

Four out of five of my female friends recommend not allowing your ex-girlfriend to put you under anesthesia, for any reason, at any time. You’re welcome.

Hugs, Shellie

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Don’t forget our weekly porch party, every Monday evening on ATS LIVE from 5-6 PM CST! Aired locally on TALK540 KMLB and all over the world thru the listen live link on the homepage!

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~~Chuckles~~

“Inlaws, Outlaws, and Farm Animals?”

Sharing this story reminds me of one of the old hee-haw segments. I’m thinking of the one where the women gathered around the wash bucket and sang that they weren’t the kind to go around spreading rumors, so it would behoove everyone to listen close the first time. To be sure, I’m not trying to start something, either. I’m just repeating what the whole town already knows. Tom and Sue Ellen Binder are fighting, again. Bless their hearts, anybody can see how much those two love each other and you would think that after all these years, they would learn how to pass and repass (as Mama likes to say), but for whatever reason, they have to get a good row going every now and then. It’s like they thrive on the drama.

Both of them are as stubborn as the day is long and they’re well known for having some battle royals where neither side will give an inch, but this particular round has lasted even longer than usual. They’ve beensniping at each other for the better part of a month. It is safe to say that everyone in our whole circle of friends was excited last week when word got around that the Binders were taking off for the weekend to try and get through the latest rough spot. Sadly, their romantic getaway to Hot Springs didn’t accomplish much because they carried their spat right along with ‘em. I’m told the fighting and arguing continued, non-stop.

By the time they started home they were both doubly put out and equally irritated. I think they rode in silence most of the way home, with one exception. Somewhere along the way they passed a barnyard full of pigs and jack asses. Tom cleared his throat and nodded at ‘em. “Relatives of yours?” he asked his wife sarcastically.

“Uh-huh,” Sue Ellen replied, “in-laws.”

~Shellie

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~~A Taste of the South~~

We’re making “Creole Pork Chops” today. Just a few extra ingredients from your pantry can take those chops up a notch. Come on, y’all, let’s get cooking!

“Creole Pork Chops”

6 center cut pork chops

½ cup all purpose flour

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 chopped onion

½ cup chopped bell pepper

1 (14 1/2-oz.) can chopped and undrained tomatoes

1 and ½ tsp. Worcestershire sauce

Hot, cooked rice

Salt and pepper to taste

We’re gonna take six center cut pork chops, dredge ‘em in flour and brown them on both sides in a couple tablespoons of vegetable oil in a large skillet. Then we’ll remove them and drain ‘em on paper towels, reserving a tablespoon of the drippings.

In our drippings we’re going to sauté one chopped onion and half of a chopped bell pepper. Once they’re tender we’ll add a can of crushed and un-drained tomatoes and a dash of Worcestershire sauce.  We’ll return the pork chops to the skillet and season with salt and pepper to taste. Cover and cook in a 350 oven until the pork is cooked through— about forty-five minutes, give or take, depending on the thickness of your chops. Serve it over hot, fluffy rice and accept the accolades.

Hugs, Shellie

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~~It’s Been Said…~~

He was born on the 28th of December 1856 in Staunton, Virginia and raised in a very religious and academic household. His father was a Presbyterian minister, his mother the daughter of a Presbyterian minister. Little Woodrow was a smart kid, but a late bloomer. His learning problems may have been due to undiagnosed dyslexia.

Although Woodrow didn’t learn to read until he was ten years old, fortunately for him, the prize goes to those that finish the race and not to those quickest out of the blocks. Woodrow would develop into an intellectual young man with a passion for literature and politics.  He would also become the 28th president of these United States of America, perhaps best known for leading his country into World War I, presiding over the creation of the Internal Revenue Service, and supporting the 16th amendment, giving Congress the power to levy taxes based on individual income.

Woodrow Wilson was married twice. He and his first wife, Ellen Louise Axon, were married for 29 years and raised three daughters. Ellen died during Woodrow’s first term and he remarried Edith Bolling Galt. When President Wilson suffered a paralyzing stroke during his second term, Edith acted as a go between, requiring everything and everyone to go through her before reaching the President, controversial actions that led to charges that Edith was usurping his responsibilities.

In this week’s Southern Quote we hear a little wit from the 28th President of the United States. Unfortunately, there’s no record of who President Woodrow Wilson had in mind when he spoke the following words; history didn’t document the personality or personalities that inspired them, but they’ve been quoted often over the years. It was President Thomas Woodrow Wilson who first  said…

“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up by itself.” — President Woodrow Wilson

~Shellie

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~~Southern Comfort~~

“Don’t Just Feather Your Nest”

The birds around here are in full out nest building mode. Dixie and I have been watching them during our morning prayer-times on the back porch. We’re both intrigued by their activity, albeit for different reasons. I think Dixie’s hoping someone will accidentally hop near enough to let her snag a meal without exerting herself too much or giving up her place in the shade. I, however, am intrigued by the way the busy laborers test, search, and pass on twig after twig until they settle on the next ideal building block for their latest construction.

Yesterday morning we were watching two different sparrows doing their comparison stick shopping when another bird swooped in and landed between them. Like birds will do, the others jumped as if someone had shocked their tail feathers before resettling less than a foot away. Now, the interesting thing about the new arrival was the building material she was toting in her own proud beak. I couldn’t identify whether it was natural or synthetic, but one thing was certain. It was three times as long as Mrs. Sparrow and appeared quite heavy. I kid you not, when she decided to fly away moments later, it took her a couple tries to lift off again! I don’t know. Perhaps the weight of her load accounted for that brief pit stop, but I briefly wondered if she hadn’t dropped in just so the other birds could see her latest purchase.

Silly bird. Regardless of how grand Mrs. Sparrow’s nest is, we know it’s just a nest, a very temporal nest, right? The next storm could cast it to the ground. So, I wonder what Father thinks as He watches His crowning creation, you and me, building and feathering our nests as if there’s no tomorrow, always busy improving them or wondering what others might think of them when they’re just as fragile as our vapor like lives. May we be vigilant to build our lives on Jesus Christ, the true foundation. Sun shine or rain storm, we will survive.

Hugs, Shellie

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