Shellie’s Not So Glamorous Life

Merry Christmas, porchers! Hope all is well on your side of the screen. We’re busy bees here at All Things Southern, but I’m sure you’re running at high speed, too. With that in mind, I’ll get right to it. Have a seat, and let’s chat…~smile~

I’ve had a few road issues lately. First there was that little incident where I arrived at a lady’s house in the dark of night to present Sue Ellen’s Girl Ain’t Fat, She Just Weighs Heavy to her book club and promptly parked the hardworking bookmobile in a ditch. In my defense, grass was grown up around the culvert and it was completely obscured. My initial clues: the loud metal meeting concrete noise, the fact that we were nose down, and the way her back left leg was stuck up in the air like one of those awkward celebrities on Dancing with the Stars. Sigh. Talk about making an entrance!

Fast forward, same Bookmobile and I are on a stretch of rural highway recently when I hear that unmistakable pop that says “I’ve been hit! I’m going down.” Granted, the bookmobile does have a flair for the dramatic but moments later she and I were equally deflated as I thumbed through the owner’s manual for the page that says, “How to change a tire in the middle of nowhere when it’s freezing and you need to be at the radio station pronto.”

I would say such is the glamorous life of an author, but I’d never be able to do it with a straight face. That description might apply to some of the big name folks, but as far as me and my writer type friends are concerned, glamorous and author don’t even belong in the same sentence. For illustration I shall close with the humorous tale of one such author friend, we’ll call her Miss Thang, who recently decided to apply fake eyelashes for a big event. This was a first for Miss Thang and it did not go well. Opening the eye she accidentally glued shut on the big night was painful enough, but days later Miss Thang reached for her lip gloss while driving, mistakenly grabbed the eyelash glue, and almost succeeded in sealing her lips shut! Regardless of who we are and where we roam, one thing’s clear. My friends and I could always benefit from a little supervision.

Hugs,
Shellie