“Angry Tourist”

We had a little incident around here last Friday. Some lady in a spanking new red convertible came speeding through the middle of town like she was headed to put out a fire. She’d managed to run both of our stoplights and scare the beejesus out of some folks trying to cross the street before one of our good deputies got her pulled over. Things went downhill from there. First she tried to act all innocent, like she didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. When that didn’t work, she tried offering the cop a little cash. Officer Sal was surprised at how open she was about it.

“Ma’am,” he said. “You’re trying to bribe an officer of the law. Do you know what you’re gonna get for that?”

“Let me guess—a receipt?” she said sarcastically.

“No ma’am, another ticket…”

Well, that really riled her up! She starting cussing and hollering and throwing a fit about small towns and speed traps . Then she demanded to see the judge. Officer Sal tried to calm her down but she was having none of it. Finally, he threw up his hands up and hauled her down to the courthouse. Once the lady visitor saw the judge she started going at it again. You’ve never heard such language…And that was before she got to the ticket part…When she did, she lied like a rug.

“Judge,” she said. “I was not going fifty miles an hour. I wasn’t even going twenty or fifteen or even ten. Matter of fact, when this redneck of an officer came up I was almost at a standstill!”

Judge Brown put his hand up. “Ma’am,” he said. “You might want to stop there – if you back into something it’s gonna be an extra $50 fine.”