My Apologies to Cows Everywhere

Hello folks, let’s chat…The email read, “Dear Shellie, do country people really tip over cows for fun? Heavy, sigh. As head scientist here at All Things Southern, I’ve come to expect such questions to pop up occasionally. Let it be known that I do my best to address them professionally by thoroughly researching the issue instead of firing off an email based on my own experience, meaning I type the subject into google and laugh myself silly first.

While there remains a percentage of people out there with screen names like Beast Boy who insist they’ve personally tipped over countless cows, I’m comfortable with my long held position on this one. Cow tipping is a myth, a bogus adventure much like snipe hunting. I suspect both legends originated with some country soul bent on pranking an unsuspecting city slicker cousin into attempting the impossible.

That said, my time spent on bovine research earlier wasn’t entirely wasted. I did land on something new and interesting, at least to me. Some folks were commenting that it was old news. I’ll let you decide.

Story has it that glue sniffers have moved on to a popular new thrill. They’re now sniffing cow manure to get high. No, I’m not making this up but I would like to personally apologize to cows everywhere. First we blamed y’all for blowing holes in the ozone. Now this. I may never be able to stop at Chick Fil A again without thinking about this story, and I doubt that fine company will appreciate being mentioned in the same breath should this piece find its way around the Internet, but we’re in this thing now. So, hear me out.

People, this is why mood altering drugs of any size, shape– and smell are so incredibly dangerous. Like the old song said, “Next thing you know you’re just walking around behind the little animals.”

My research didn’t indicate this to be true, but I feel sure I know what the cow says to the sniffer. Are you ready? Are you sure?

“Pull my hoof.”

Sue me. It was just too easy.

Hugs, Shellie