No Reasonable Doubt

From time to time I like to fill y’all in on the happenings at the courthouse where my cousin Katherine works as a stenographer. She never fails to have a good story for me. Recently, Katherine’s friend Patti was selected to be on the jury for a big murder trial, we’re talking the crime of the century for their rural Arkansas town.

Katherine said the defendant had a big fancy lawyer from the city. Everyone knew the guy was guilty but that lawyer was slicker than a greased pig, and what’s more, the police department hadn’t been able to find the body. The lawyer doing a good job of using these factors to create reasonable doubt but he saved his trump card for the closing arguments.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” he began. “I have a surprise for you all.” He paused and looked at his watch, “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.” He looked toward the courtroom door. So did the stunned jurors. A minute passed, then two. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was really killed here and you must return a verdict of not guilty.”

The jury retired to deliberate but Patti said it didn’t take long for everyone to reach an agreement. A few minutes later, they returned to the courtroom and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

The big fancy lawyer was stunned. Patti said he saw her at the water fountain afterwards and asked, “Please tell me, how on earth did the jury reach a guilty verdict? You must’ve had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.”

“Oh, we looked,” Patti told him, “but we noticed that your client didn’t.”

~Shellie