Uncle Ham Gets Even

My friend’s uncle is a rancher out in Texas. Uncle Ham’s been well off, but thanks to some wise investments he has slowly amassed a sizeable fortune. Well, the news is out. Lately Uncle Ham’s been contacted by anyone and everyone collecting money for a worthy cause. Last week, someone from the local university, Uncle Ham’s old alma mater, showed up unannounced at his office, asking to see him. Uncle Ham obliged.

Hat in hand, the little man recounted a sad story about the school’s financial plight and asked for a donation. He couldn’t have known that Uncle Ham didn’t have a lot of fond memories from his college years. He remembered it as a place run by snobs who treated him like a poor cousin. Ham decided to play with ‘em a little. He agreed to make a million dollar donation on one condition: they had to give his horse an honorary degree.

The little man was horrified, but after seeing that Ham was serious he returned to his office and called an emergency meeting of the board of trustees. Once the meeting was convened the numbers man blurted out Ham’s request.

Each member in turn condemned the idea as a disgrace. Finally, the oldest trustee spoke up, “Ladies and gentleman,” he said, “Shall we drop this sanctimonious tone? This isn’t the first time we’ve exchanged an honorary degree for a large contribution.”

The room grew quiet. Nervous looks were exchanged as everyone wondered what secrets the old man was about to reveal.

“Maybe it’s the first time someone was so outspoken about it,” the gentleman continued, “but really…I say it’s about time we gave a degree to a whole horse!”

Hugs,
Shellie