Valentine’s Day Advice for You and Your Sweetie

Hello folks, let’s chat…It’s that time again. As in years past, I’m here to assist y’all with timely Valentine’s Day advice for both genders. Guys, we’ll start with you.

Attention all men who wish to become single faster than quick. Consider emailing your sweetie a digital certificate from the Bronx Zoo confirming that you’ve paid good money to name a living cockroach after her. You may recall this “Equate your Darling to a Hissing Roach” idea has made it into our Valentine’s Day discussion before. This year, however, the zoo is offering you a way to take your game up a level. For a few additional dollars the zoo will send your better half a printed certificate featuring her roach along with a box of chocolates. So, there’s that.

On the other hand, for the rest of you guys who would like to stay in your sweetheart’s good graces, hear me on this. Not every kiss up the side of the head begins with a hissing cockroach, but it’s a good way to increase your odds.

Which brings me to you ladies. Here’s an FYI that I suspect you will find extremely helpful: Arguing Makes You Fat. So says scientists who claim that arguing causes a spike in the hormone that affects our appetites. Ladies, this doesn’t mean we can blame our men for our muffin tops, as tempting as that might sound. It’s simply another excellent reason to accept our differences and celebrate our love. We don’t see things the same way, and that can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your perspective. Why, yes, I do have a story for illustration.

One day a lady walked into the bathroom and found her husband standing on the bathroom scale and sucking in his nice round stomach. Having often tried such a maneuver herself, she mistakenly assumed he was trying to affect the results.

“Honey,” she said, gently. “I’m afraid that doesn’t help. Her man, however, was cool with the whole scale thing, as evidenced by his response.

“Sure it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Hugs, Shellie