Dockside Dramas and How Jesus Makes You More

Hey friends! I hope this finds you and yours well. I know it finds you well-loved, the Word of God assures me of that great news. So, let’s chat…

I still hate spiders.

Yeah, I thought I’d get that out there. I’ll probably regret it because it’s likely to start up another round of “funny” spider memes and pranks from my friends out there, but I have fresh reasons for hoping all spiders fry in H-E-Double L.

It happened early one morning while I was praying down on the dock. I had scalding hot coffee in one hand and my smartphone in the other. I believe I had opened my camera app to try and capture a picture or an egret, or a turtle…or maybe a cloud. We’ll never know. The moment blew up and I haven’t able to recall those pre-hissy fit details.

My first hint of trouble was a little tickly feeling around my chin. I assumed it was a stray hair and smoothed it away. (I’m shuddering here.) Moments later, I felt something similar on my neck, and it was moving. Oh, surely not. May I remind you my hands were full of hot coffee and a phone that did not know how to swim and didn’t need to be thrown into the lake. (Okay, it didn’t get dunked, but don’t get lost on the details, people. It very well could have!)

With the shaking hand that was also holding my smartphone, I pulled the collar of my pajamas out, and looked down. Yes. Ma’am. There it was. A big hairy spider… on my stomach. I’ll pause while you consider that news…

Are we good? There was a spider perched on my person.

Now, there have been some people, among them the beloved farmer, who suggested that I should have smushed the intruder against my belly. I know, right?! I don’t understand some people.

For five hundred and seventy-five years, or two to three seconds, I tried to shake that spider out of my business, but he successfully avoided my efforts and ignored my screams. Can spiders hear? If so, his feelings were probably hurt because I may have called down curses from heaven on his furry self.

Somehow, in the middle of the mania, and I need props for this, I managed to teleport myself to the house and inside the door before I removed my clothes.

I am the first to admit that the beloved farmer has to put up with a lot of shenanigans and possibly embarrassment from me being “in the public eye”, so to speak. That said, I would like the record to reflect that I did not put the public’s eye out by getting nekkid on the dock.

It crossed my mind.

Hugs,
Shellie