On Muffins Mamas and Grumpy People

Hello folks, let’s chat…I was skipping along the Internet trail in my customarily happy fashion when I smacked into a very critical review of one of my earliest humor books. At least humor is what I thought I’d written. The aforementioned reviewer said my book Suck Your Stomach In and Put Some Color On contained “subtle fat shaming & anti-feminism” just in the title alone.

Whoa. Fat shaming and anti-feminism? I’m not sure how she connected those dots from a bit of well intentioned advice about holding in your stomach and putting on lipstick, but it underscores what I’ve been saying for a while. My fellow Americans, we need to lighten up. Not everything has to be a fight and we don’t have to take every bait that’s offered to us. Watch this. I’ll go first.

In the interest of getting along with this ultra sensitive feminist, I have a proposal I feel we can all support. 2015 was the year of the man bod, a time when the plump daddy body was celebrated as cool, hip even. Remember that? Well, what say we declare 2016 the year of the Muffin Mama? Yes and uh, huh. Take that Sports Illustrating Mostly Nekkid Women and Victoria Who Has No Secrets. I’ll be happy to represent the Muffin Mama demographic. Trust me. I’m well suited for the position.

Now, if that doesn’t appease my disgruntled reviewer, I have one last idea.

You may not know this but last year a team of scientists discovered that one sure-fire way to get happy was to smell the sweat of a happy person. I read it online so it has to be true. It’s called chemo signals. If you smell the sweat of scaredy cats, you get scared. Smell happy people, and you get happy. Follow me? I would tell y’all what my friend Paulette thought that darling reviewer was sniffing, but it won’t serve our purposes a bit.

However, being a notoriously glass half full happy person myself, I do have one helpful suggestion for the grumpy person who wrote that review.

“Sweetheart, smell my feet”.